2008 Woodie Awards
Got Issues? No Problem
Issue date: 10/1/08 Section: Op Ed
Dear Marlisse,
I've been involved with a guy for several months, but we have yet to make it "official." Recently, however, he told me has had a girlfriend for the past few weeks even though he and I are still seeing each other. I, of course, was furious, hurt and wanted to end it. But he says he wants us both, I mean a lot to him, and that he doesn't want to lose me. I'm so torn. I have such strong feelings for him and (I feel terrible for admitting this) a part of me is willing to continue to be with him even though he has a girlfriend. What should I do?
From,
O.W
Dear O.W.,
I suggest you get out of the situation as soon as possible. I know you care about him, but it's just not worth it. Never play second fiddle for any man. It's just not an option. I don't care how attractive, smart, or charming you think he is. You cannot let him have that kind of power over you. I understand that seeing someone in secret can have somewhat of mystery, and thus, an air of romance to it. And even though you know what you are doing is wrong, the highs of being with someone of whom you can never see enough gets the best of you and you eventually want it more and more. It can become addicting. But remember, these highs and moments of excitement never last long. The rest of the time you will most likely end up feeling guilty and lonely, if you're not feeling that already. This is why I strongly advise you to get out of this situation now before you lose yourself to it. Besides, how dare he say that he cares about you yet put you through something like this?! He clearly is not a true friend. Remember, you always have a choice and you should not have to sacrifice your happiness or well-being for anyone! If he (or any one for that matter) wants to be with you, make it be on your terms, not his. I hope you make the right choice and thanks for the question.
Sincerely,
Marlisse
I've been involved with a guy for several months, but we have yet to make it "official." Recently, however, he told me has had a girlfriend for the past few weeks even though he and I are still seeing each other. I, of course, was furious, hurt and wanted to end it. But he says he wants us both, I mean a lot to him, and that he doesn't want to lose me. I'm so torn. I have such strong feelings for him and (I feel terrible for admitting this) a part of me is willing to continue to be with him even though he has a girlfriend. What should I do?
From,
O.W
Dear O.W.,
I suggest you get out of the situation as soon as possible. I know you care about him, but it's just not worth it. Never play second fiddle for any man. It's just not an option. I don't care how attractive, smart, or charming you think he is. You cannot let him have that kind of power over you. I understand that seeing someone in secret can have somewhat of mystery, and thus, an air of romance to it. And even though you know what you are doing is wrong, the highs of being with someone of whom you can never see enough gets the best of you and you eventually want it more and more. It can become addicting. But remember, these highs and moments of excitement never last long. The rest of the time you will most likely end up feeling guilty and lonely, if you're not feeling that already. This is why I strongly advise you to get out of this situation now before you lose yourself to it. Besides, how dare he say that he cares about you yet put you through something like this?! He clearly is not a true friend. Remember, you always have a choice and you should not have to sacrifice your happiness or well-being for anyone! If he (or any one for that matter) wants to be with you, make it be on your terms, not his. I hope you make the right choice and thanks for the question.
Sincerely,
Marlisse