2008 Woodie Awards
Off the Beaten Path: Your Mother's Bedroom
Shasta McNasty
Issue date: 3/30/05 Section: The Triangle
- Page 1 of 1
Among one of the more popular destinations in your community, your mother's bedroom has truly blossomed into a hotspot for college students and barroom derelicts alike.
Although it had been founded in the early 1980's when she moved into her new home, the "business" wasn't opened until the late 90's after the first American Pie movie was released and the infamous "milf" scene found its way into conversations everywhere from television talk shows to water cooler meetings. It was only then that she decided to capitalize on the pop-culture phenomena.
After its first few months of operation, your mother's bedroom truly grew into an institution respected by all who are affiliated with it (roughly 245,000 according to her bills and account books over about 7 years). Today, the business has become a conglomerate and has really monopolized the industry.
Giving up on her film career around 1985, the proprietor of this business said she started small, with several low-budget "indie movies" prior to her legendary success. After making a few films that topped the charts in stores like "Gus's Video" and "Tony's Flixxx," she decided that the fast paced Hollywood lifestyle was just not for her, and decided to settle down in her small suburban community. But her die hard love for her past led her to rekindle that flame with her grand return just a few years ago.
While it's true that mostly college kids and old burnouts ever visit your mother's bedroom nowadays, it has been known to be frequented by some of Hollywood's elite. "Ohh yes, how could I forget," said Nick Nolte, star of such blockbusters as 48 hours, Blue Chips, and Another 48 Hours. "I used to incorporate her bedroom with my usual rounds of East Coast sights. He went on to say "First it was Atlantic City, then I'd normally stop off at the Short Hills Mall to pick up some new clothes, and then I'd always remember to drop in for a quick hello."
Another frequent visitor is ex-Baywatch hunk David Haselhoff. While he spent most of his days soaking up the sun on set for one of the most syndicated television shows, he now spends his time playing cameo's in comedy movies and climbing out of your mother's bedroom window when you come in asking what's for dinner or when the laundry should be finished. He then hops in to his talking car aptly named K.I.T.T. and speeds away without you having the slightest clue. He was once quoted as saying, "Yea I actually go to her house about twice a year, right around the beginning of summer and then once before the long haul of winter, you know, to hold me over for those cold days." He later said, "I hope I'm not being too subtle."
Known mostly for its nightly performances, continuously running every Thursday through Sunday night, your mothers bedroom is also fully equipped with a cozy atmosphere, large workbench, err...bed, and quite a few extremely large...scented candles. The shop is always kept clean, and in the waiting room you will always find trinkets to keep yourself occupied. The entrance, located at the back of the home is occasionally locked, however, the lawn is always mowed giving the area an overall nice look, and you'll find it very easy to run through the yard and hop in through the large window in her bedroom without being seen by neighbors or other residents of the home.
In conclusion, your mother's bedroom is definitely an amazing place that brings joy to men and women of all ages. The experience I had at your mother's bedroom was truly deep and stimulating. For any readers out there, I suggest you go ahead and give it the old college try.
Although it had been founded in the early 1980's when she moved into her new home, the "business" wasn't opened until the late 90's after the first American Pie movie was released and the infamous "milf" scene found its way into conversations everywhere from television talk shows to water cooler meetings. It was only then that she decided to capitalize on the pop-culture phenomena.
After its first few months of operation, your mother's bedroom truly grew into an institution respected by all who are affiliated with it (roughly 245,000 according to her bills and account books over about 7 years). Today, the business has become a conglomerate and has really monopolized the industry.
Giving up on her film career around 1985, the proprietor of this business said she started small, with several low-budget "indie movies" prior to her legendary success. After making a few films that topped the charts in stores like "Gus's Video" and "Tony's Flixxx," she decided that the fast paced Hollywood lifestyle was just not for her, and decided to settle down in her small suburban community. But her die hard love for her past led her to rekindle that flame with her grand return just a few years ago.
While it's true that mostly college kids and old burnouts ever visit your mother's bedroom nowadays, it has been known to be frequented by some of Hollywood's elite. "Ohh yes, how could I forget," said Nick Nolte, star of such blockbusters as 48 hours, Blue Chips, and Another 48 Hours. "I used to incorporate her bedroom with my usual rounds of East Coast sights. He went on to say "First it was Atlantic City, then I'd normally stop off at the Short Hills Mall to pick up some new clothes, and then I'd always remember to drop in for a quick hello."
Another frequent visitor is ex-Baywatch hunk David Haselhoff. While he spent most of his days soaking up the sun on set for one of the most syndicated television shows, he now spends his time playing cameo's in comedy movies and climbing out of your mother's bedroom window when you come in asking what's for dinner or when the laundry should be finished. He then hops in to his talking car aptly named K.I.T.T. and speeds away without you having the slightest clue. He was once quoted as saying, "Yea I actually go to her house about twice a year, right around the beginning of summer and then once before the long haul of winter, you know, to hold me over for those cold days." He later said, "I hope I'm not being too subtle."
Known mostly for its nightly performances, continuously running every Thursday through Sunday night, your mothers bedroom is also fully equipped with a cozy atmosphere, large workbench, err...bed, and quite a few extremely large...scented candles. The shop is always kept clean, and in the waiting room you will always find trinkets to keep yourself occupied. The entrance, located at the back of the home is occasionally locked, however, the lawn is always mowed giving the area an overall nice look, and you'll find it very easy to run through the yard and hop in through the large window in her bedroom without being seen by neighbors or other residents of the home.
In conclusion, your mother's bedroom is definitely an amazing place that brings joy to men and women of all ages. The experience I had at your mother's bedroom was truly deep and stimulating. For any readers out there, I suggest you go ahead and give it the old college try.